Dear Craigslist Landlord: You Suck

Dear Potential Landlord,

Thank you so much for listing your apartment for rent on Craigslist. I really appreciate the ad; especially the part where you said “ABSOLUTELY NO PETS” followed by exactly 42 exclamation points. Had you used only 35 or even 39 exclamation points, I would’ve inquired about bringing my pet goldfish, Murky, but with 42 I know you’re serious. I’ve always found Murky to be fairly calm, but don’t worry: I’ll be sure to give him away to a friend whose landlord doesn’t mind all the ruckus you tend to get with a fish.

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